Saturday, October 29, 2011

my adult life.

Legal adulthood starts at 21. Here are the major highlights of my adulthood thus far:
21                                           22                                   23
had a boyfriend                                  went to disneyland/LA                                              got dumped
vscs to vegas                                   tried to date someone younger
got dumped                                                   failed at that
missionary returned                           vaca to seattle/portland
moved to London                                 had almost boyfriend
missionary got GF                                 vaca to new york city
graduated college                                         got dumped
moved back to Provo                               had a boyfriend
had a boyfriend                                     had a really fun summer
dumped boyfriend                                      vaca to seattle
worked at the mall                          little brother gone on mission
had a boyfriend
vaca to vegas
got dumped
got a real job


Maybe if I never leave town, I'll keep a boyfriend/.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

everyday drone.

Tonight my still-in-school-and-just-changed-her-major-again-roommate asked me how I can do the same routine every single day. She said, you wake up, get ready and leave for work every morning at the same time, you do the same thing all day and come home at the same time. I couldn't do that. 
All I said in response was, 
"Just wait till you grow up, you'll be doing it too."
Then I shut the fridge door to go get ready for bed at 9 pm. 

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Unmentionables.

A Lady's Guide to Being a Lady
As a lady, one is to dress not only fashionably but also appropriately. There is nothing that needs to be more appropriate about a lady's wardrobe than her underclothes. 

How to wear underwear like a Lady.
There are a couple scenarios I would like to discuss pertaining to a lady's underclothes. 

First.
The ever-present-thought, the panty line. It is imperative to pair the right underwear to the right bottoms. When clothing fits snuggly, it is my advise to get a nice pair of spandex like boy shorts (mostly because thongs detest me). That way the edge of the leg hole of the underwear is underneath your rear and should be well masked. The thinner the material of your underwear the better, that it lays as flush as possible to your skin. 
I would avoid cotton underwear at all costs. Ladies deserve and are better than Hanes. 
Second.
Slips. I believe the slip has become lost in today's world of fashion. One vital use of a slip to wear between a not so opaque skirt/dress and your skin. One may not notice the translucence of their outfit until light is directly cast upon it, so as a precautionary measure, don a slip.  Last year I purchased my first body slip, and it has since become this lady's best friend. Its tight  material not only protects me from revealing too much, it smooths out everything.  A body slip masks underwearlines, unruly patterns from fishnet stockings, and keeps everything in place. 
Third.
Selecting the appropriate bra for an outfit requires the lady to own more than one bra. Having worked at Victoria's Secret I have been trained that every girl is to own at least three bras- One to wear, One to wash, and One spare. I find that to be the bare minimum, very bare. First a lady must select the right style to go under her top. Bras made of thin material, with little to no lace or embellishments and with streamlined underwire at best for under t shirts and thin blouses. Deep plunge shirts will require a similar plunge on the bra. Be wary of push up bras and low cut necklines, remember we are ladies and not harlots. Color must also coordinate. If one is wearing a light colored top, follow suit with the bra. As well as with dark tops and dark bras. Black bras under white t shirts is also reserved for harlots. Beware of texture, if one has rhinestones on a bra, make sure one doesn't have a bumpy chest. And never use clear straps. Ever. 
This is not only slutty
but tacky as well. 


Use as needed and
don't be ashamed.
Though a lady may only be seen in her unmentionables by herself, and a most lucky spouse, it is the mystery of what's underneath that, piques interest. 



Keep your underclothes mysterious. 

Saturday, October 22, 2011

If i had a faster phone:

Lately I've been on this kick where I have really been trying to win prizes on the radio. This one station has a grand prize drawing for all prize winners for $75,000.00. I brought this up to bff Caitlin and, while sipping starbucks, we discussed how we would spend that money.
First I would put $50,000.00 in savings. At least I hope I would be that sensible, ok maybe at least half in savings...
Then credit card paid off, which is mere chump change. And finally one giant shopping vaca to NYC. Caitlin is big into handbags so we discussed specifics with her choices. But as you all know, my thing is shoes. Here's my if-i-had-a-shload-of-money-to-spend-on-shoes-wish-list:
Ballet Flat by Chanel
A Strappy Jimmy Choo

Classic Black Pump and Red Sole
 by Christian Louboutin

Daintiness by Kate Spade

The Always Sparkly Manolo Blahnik

Something funky by Miu Miu

A Chunky Heel from Prada

No one does a riding boot like Ralph Lauren

The Valentino Bow

Something over the top by Alexander McQueen
And that's just the beginning. Please also use this wishlist as a guide for Christmas presents.



Thursday, October 20, 2011

one gushing auntie.

Previous to this week, I had four nephews and one niece. I love all those kids,
 and I even got to visit my sister in law in the hospital here in 
Utah when Zoey, niece number one was born. 
But I have to say there is a whole different feeling 
when your big sister has her own baby.
 Even with her being hundreds miles away, and me not seeing her pregnant, 
it was a whirlwind of emotions for me.
 Due to some unanticipated complications, Megan and husband Mike 
made it into the labor and delivery room seven weeks early. 
 I got a text Tuesday morning saying that they were in the hospital 
and the baby might have to come the next day. 
I immediately started freaking out. I asked every mother and pregnant lady in my office just how worried I should be.
 I looked up the complications on webmd 
and that freaked me out even more. 
The next I heard was my mom was on an airplane and Megan was being induced. I was worried the baby's lungs wouldn't be developed enough, 
but Mom said it's Megan we're worried about. 
And that was the last I heard.
Until a text at 2 am. That said, Boy 12:31 am OK so far. 
Then at 8 am, one said, Calvin Michael. 
I assumed that was the baby's name. Mom's new to the whole texting thing. Thanks to facebook, brother in law Mike feed me
 pictures and regular status updates. 
That evening I called and finally talked to Megan.
 No pain killers and nearly 24 hours later she had a baby. 


Just after he popped out. 

He'll have to stay in the NICO for a little longer  just to get a bit stronger. 

Daddy Mike and Calvin. 

Big sister Megan and her baby. 
I cried when I saw this picture. 
Love that monkey already. 
Congratulations Dressers. 

Sunday, October 16, 2011

carriage.

A Lady's Guide to Being a Lady.

This post's discussion has been a pet peeve of mine for many years. I suppose it is because I do not understand the difficulty or lack of understanding. I did a little reconnaissance filming today and hopefully this will prove my point. 

How Not to Walk in High Heels
How a lady carries herself is one of the first things noticed not only by passers-by, but more importantly by potential husbands. Walking like a lady and being technically savvy in heels exudes lady like confidence. I was able to catch  four examples of common poor walking technique:

video
There are three problems with the lovely high black pumps:
1. Her shoes are too big, you can tell because her toes
 have slid and smashed in the front.
2. This causes her to take whiplash like steps. She puts all her weight on her toes and it causes her knees to buckle as she takes the next step. 
3. Due to the weight shift, she's sticking her rear out, throwing off the aesthetic a lady should have. 

video 
This is a common technique with Provo ladies. One of my several mottoes applies:
If you can't walk in them, don't wear them. 
If you have to walk a mile to somewhere that requires a dress code of heels, first have a large purse to store shoes in, don't carry them like you're walking down the beach, second keep fast flats like these in your giant purse at all times to utilize instead of bare feet. 
A lady's feet should only be bare in three situations:
1. Swimming and beachy activities
2. In the home of those who require a shoeless entry
3. In a lady's own home and privacy ( sidenote, if there are guests in your home and you allow shoes to be worn, as a lady and a host, you should wear shoes too)
video
This mistake frequently happens with pointed shoes. This lady steps a bit to fervently with her heel first and then flops the rest of her foot afterwards. Its a bit like she's wearing flippers. Walking in heels is essentially the same as walking in any other shoe. Heel toe. Heel toe. Your weight shifts heel to toe, right to left foot. No need to overcompensate by stepping just with your heels, or just with your toes. 

video
This example is a little harder to notice because she's walking away from the camera. Her walking technique also stems from her shoes being to big. She's doing the twist. She steps toe first and then twists her heel in so that her foot doesn't come fully off the floor allowing her shoe to stay securely on her foot. This could be avoided by one simple tid bit of knowledge- It has always been in my best interest to buy heels, especially those without straps, one half size smaller than my actual shoe size. This allows the shoe to be snug and a lady to walk a dainty strut. 

And if you must, don't be ashamed. Start with a kitten heel and work your way up for a four inch stiletto. As with any other talent, practice makes perfect.

Friday, October 14, 2011

mormons rock.

mormon.org

vain.

I'm pretty sure I read my own blog the most. 
I made the goal to wear high heels everyday this month
 for an excuse to dress up everyday. 
I spent $30 on face powder instead of buying groceries.
I keep a pocket mirror on my work desk, always readily available for use. 
Also on my desk are two fashion magazines, with their binding falling apart. 
I own over 100 pairs of shoes and some are displayed on a shelf like trophies.
I spend more money at Victoria's Secret
 than any single mormon girl should. 
I paint my nails once a week. 

I know I'm a tiny bit pretentious, slightly self absorbed, and a smidgen high maintenance but I like me and i actually act like i do. Shouldn't every girl?



Sunday, October 9, 2011

etiquette.

A Lady's Guide to Being a Lady

Now the reason I write this is because I have seen several ladies who, I assume out of nonjudgmental kindness, are ignorant of their behaviors and I plan to help guide them otherwise. I don't want to overwhelm the masses (all 14 of you that read this) so I plan on making this a post-when-I-see-something-atrocious-and-need-to-address-it thing. 
Today's item is:
How to Sit Like a Lady
When wearing a skirt or dress, ladies have to be extra careful with how they bend to sit, remain sitting and stand back up. Most females do not seem to be aware of this fact. 
1. When sitting down I always find it a good rule of thumb to run your hands down your backside to smooth out and ensure your skirt is securely beneath you and not hanging out behind your chair. If it does hang off the back then you're placing the notion of the heads of those around you that you are sitting on your bare or nearly bare behind and that is frankly unsanitary. 

2. Once seated. keep your knees together, for several reasons that I will not delve into.  And ladies, if you are going to cross your legs please make sure your skirt is long enough. If the skirt is too short, you are bound to expose your nether regions to the masses, with the act of getting one leg over the other. Also, no matter the length of the skirt,  be sure to tuck in the sides of your skirt. Without even meaning to, far too much skin can be visible. 
[apparently someone else gave this lesson as well]

3. Standing is basically the same as sitting, be sure to smooth out your skirt as you get up. It's not always as bad as depicted below. Today I witnessed a big-behind lady stand up and she didn't notice that too much fabric from her dress got stuck on top of her large rump and was exposing way too much thigh for church. Not very lady like. 

The most important rule is, Remember You're Wearing A Skirt!!!

more nail adventures.

These next few were all on my own venture, under the inspiration of miss caitlin.
K so I need a better phone cause these pictures are fuzzy. But this is newspaper nails. I painted them nude, then dipped them in rubbing alcohol and then rolled each nail on newspaper. So those fuzzy lines are acuually words. It was pretty awesome.

Then I did this. The french tip is sponged on (once again poor quality camera) with an eye shadow applicator. I decided it only really looks good with a gradual color change like pink to red. So..

I changed to just plain teal. Which I enjoy thoroughly. Fun colors really snazz up a one coat nail job. 

And these are my toes. I stripped them, gray, magenta and darker magenta with sparkles using tape to get straight lines. 

Monday, October 3, 2011

New biggest pet peeve.

All I'm going to say is,
 If you were married in the temple,
dress like it. 

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Mein Auto hasst mich.


Once again my car broke. Last time I had to replace the battery. This time it died just as Monica and I parked for the symphony.
 It was all steamy and leaky.
After some cultural upliftment, we rode in a tow truck with Jose the AAA guy (who sounds like the chihuahua from Oliver and Company) 
all the way back to Provo. 
Luckily it was just an easy leak to fix, costing $60 total. 
But, this car hates me. 

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I don't have too many clothes, shoes, etc., I just don't have enough space.

The closet in my current apartment has shelves built into it, as seen here
It does not adequately supply enough room for dresses,
 they can't hang their full length.
So today I ventured to Ikea and bought a free standing clothing rack for $10. 
Then went over to the Rack, where I inadvertently ran into BFF Caitlin and her parents (who then bought me lunch) and bought nice velvety hangers.
I assembled everything and rehung all my dresses 
(turns out 30 hangers wasn't enough). 
After getting it set up, I decided to finish the wall around it. 

Those are my seven fanciest pairs of shoes.

Proud to be a Cougar.

I have never been more proud to be a BYU
alum until I learned this news today:
the BYU Cougarettes won the National Dance Competition
 in the Hip Hop division.
We dethroned the long running
 National Champs University of Louisville. 
Way to go white mormon ladies!
Here's what we beat:

Here's a news article about our awesomeness. 
Watch the video of it there, I can't find it anywhere on youtube or know how to move that video here. 

Crayola fun.

My sister Megan sent me a pinterest post of a crayon art project. 
Yesterday I got the supplies and I made the piece last night. 
Here's how:
 1. Get canvas and a ton of crayons. I unwrapped the labels but that's not necessary.
2. Hot glue them to the top. I decided not to fill the whole canvas. 
3. Stand canvas upright and use a blowdryer to melt the wax.

4. Watch it drip and melt until it looks to your pleasing. 
5. Let cool. Which doesn't take more than 10 minutes. 
6. Hang and be proud. 
I do love some impasto.  

23. It's gonna be great.

This year on my birthday, I decided to indulge. I took the day off from work. 
And I think I'll do it every year to come. 
The morning started with a giant omelet at Guru's. 
Then the activity of my choice.
The Zoo.
Some highlights:
I had a staring contest with a goose.
We watched a gorilla eat its poo.
A little girl named Katie loved watching monkeys just as much as me. 

Mike inside a turtle shell. That's his turtle face.

We watched this squirrel nibble on this nut for 5 minutes. He was focused

I hate giant insects, I wouldn't even look at dead ones, so Mike needed this photo. 

After the zoo we had lunch at the Oasis cafe. 
I ate a gyro, like this:

Next we went to the Broadway theater and saw this strange gem:
We had the theater to ourselves so that made it more fun. 
Finally on our walk back to the car we stopped at a bakery and I got a treat. 

That evening I met up with the girls for dinner and cake.

The girls outside Communal... which was closed. 

We went to spark instead. Got some drinks and overpriced food.

These are my friends. Caitlin and Monica. At the Chocolate.

Me and my delicious birthday cake. 

It was a very good birthday. Best yet in Provo I think.